A new school year is a fresh start. It’s also a prompt that the talks we have with our kids before something happens may be the ones that matter most.
The lunches are packed.
Calendars are changing.
Sports and activities are starting again.
And across the US, parents are returning to that well-known end-of-day question:
“How was school?”
“Good.”
For most of us, that answer isn’t sufficient.
Dinner needs to get cooked. Homework needs to be completed. Someone has practice. Someone needs a bath. Tomorrow’s lunches won’t pack themselves.
But after my recent conversation with Leah Shepherd, Executive Director of Victoria’s Voice Foundation, I’ve been thinking differently about that exchange.
Perhaps “good” is where the conversation should begin.
Not end.
Because as our kids begin another school year, establishing new friend relationshipss, flexing their independence, and spending more of their lives in places we can’t see, Leah’s message feels particularly relevant:
Prevention starts long before we think we need it.
And sometimes it starts simply by asking another question.
01. Return to school should also mean return to talking.
Victoria’s Voice started from unimaginable loss.
In 2015, David and Jackie Siegel lost their daughter Victoria to a drug overdose.
What ensued eventually turned into a mission dedicated not simply to responding to substance use, but to preventing another family from experiencing the same tragedy.
That differentiation matters.
Victoria’s Voice Foundation provides education designed to help parents recognize warning signs around vaping, drinking, drugs, mental health, and other potentially dangerous behaviors.
During our conversation, Leah kept coming back to two words:
“Prevention works.”
And there’s probably no better time to think about prevention than the beginning of a school year.
New classrooms.
New social circles.
New pressures.
And, corresponding to their age, increasingly independent digital lives.
We talked about how many of us grew up learning about sex and drugs.
Many assumed that talking about something might encourage kids to try it.
Leah believes the opposite.
Kids will experience difficult things regardless of whether adults prepare them for those times. She contends that communication and education give them a better chance of knowing what to do when they do.
That changes the question from:
“Is my child old enough for this conversation?”
to:
“Will I have had the conversation before they need it?”
02. Don’t settle for “good enough.”
This was the part of our conversation that hit closest for me.
I have two young kids.
And like every parent, I’m busy.
There are plenty of days when I just ask:
How was school?
“Good.”
What did you do?
“Nothing.”
And we’re talking about the next thing.
During the episode, I remembered something I’d watched a friend do with his son years ago.
His son gave him the standard answer about school.
But my friend kept digging.
What did you learn?
Who did you sit with?
Who did you talk to?
What happened at lunch?
At the time, I thought he was really probing.
Now I understand what he was doing.
He was creating a habit of conversation.
Leah took that idea even further.
If your child is on a social platform, don’t just ask whether everything is okay.
Ask specific questions.
Has someone you don’t know contacted you?
Has anyone ever offered you something?
Have you seen something online that made you uncomfortable?
During our conversation, Leah put it simply:
“Ask them. Flat out ask them. That’s how you’re gonna find out.”
That’s a line I’m taking with me into this school year.
Because our kids are getting older whether we’re ready for it or not.
The conversations probably need to grow up with them.
03. We don’t always know what our kids aren’t telling us.
This is the hardest part of Victoria’s story.
Victoria kept a diary.
Before her death, she sent a message to a friend saying that if something happened to her, she wanted it published.
Her parents eventually did that.
Today, Victoria’s actual diary is a key piece of the Foundation’s education work, supported by resources intended to help parents pick up on warning signs and know where to turn if they’re worried about their child.
Think about that for a second.
Someone can live in our home.
Eat dinner at our table.
Go to school every morning.
Answer “good” when we ask how their day went.
And still be experiencing something we know nothing about.
That doesn’t mean parents should live in fear.
It means curiosity rules.
Attention matters.
Specificity matters.
And making it routine to talk about uncomfortable things before something goes wrong matters.
The start of school gives us a natural reset.
Not just for bedtime routines and homework schedules.
For communication, too.
04. Prevention isn’t delegated to one organization.
One of my favorite parts of this conversation actually had very little to do with parenting.
It was about how Victoria’s Voice operates.
The organization doesn’t pretend it can solve every part of the problem.
Victoria’s Voice primarily focuses its education efforts on high school students, with some middle school programming. It collaborates with organizations that can reach students differently, including programs that begin conversations as early as elementary school.
Leah’s mantra:
“A rising tide lifts all boats.”
She doesn’t perceive other nonprofits working in drug prevention as the competition.
The more organizations partnering, the more kids they can reach.
There’s a big implication there.
Keeping kids safe isn’t exclusively a parent’s responsibility.
Or a teacher’s.
Or a school’s.
Or a nonprofit’s.
It’s an ecosystem.
Parents talking at home.
Teachers paying attention.
Schools educating.
Communities providing resources.
Organizations filling gaps.
And kids hopefully learning that asking for help isn’t something to be ashamed of.
One thing I’m evaluating this school year
I’m going to try to ask the second question.
Not every conversation with our kids needs to become an interrogation.
But I don’t want:
“How was your day?”
“Good.”
to automatically be the end of the conversation.
Tell me something funny that happened.
Who sat with you at lunch?
Who in your class had a bad day?
What’s that thing everyone is talking about right now?
Did anything happen today that made you uncomfortable?
What happened today that I wouldn’t know unless I asked?
Most days the answer will likely be nothing.
That’s fine.
Because we’re not only trying to uncover problems.
We’re creating the comfort that we can talk about things - anything
So if the day comes when something isn’t okay, hopefully that conversation doesn’t feel like you’re starting from scratch.
The conversation before you need it.
Toward the end of my conversation with Leah, we talked about stigma.
Substance use or abuse isn’t unique to one type of family, one neighborhood, or one demographic.
And believing “not my kid” can itself become dangerous.
Leah’s message to parents was unequivocal:
“If you think it can’t happen to you, I am here to tell every parent: yes, it can.”
It’s heavy.
Especially at a moment that’s supposed to feel optimistic.
A new school year. A fresh start.
But maybe that’s why now is the right time for this conversation.
Not because something is wrong.
Because nothing has to be wrong before we start paying attention.
Prevention isn’t panic.
It’s preparation.
It’s education.
It’s asking one more question.
It’s creating a home where uncomfortable subjects aren’t automatically off limits.
And it’s realizing that sometimes the most important conversation you have with your child is the one you have before you think you need to have it.
🎧 Worth(y) your thirty
My full conversation with Leah Shepherd, Executive Director of Victoria’s Voice Foundation, delves into Victoria’s story, overdose prevention, naloxone awareness, parent education, social media, stigma, nonprofit leadership, and what families can do before substance use becomes a crisis.
For parents specifically, I can’t think of a more relevant time to listen than the beginning of a new school year.
Listen to the full episode of Worthy for Thirty. It’s available on all podcast listening platforms.
And consider asking your kid one more question tonight.
I feel like this is something parents for adult children could learn from too. Really any age... I think about grandparents that spend a lot of time with grandchildren too. Appreciate the questions to help facilitate conversations.